Irish tourist ban

I wouldn’t have believed it, folks. Apparently, the Irish government has decided that the economy here is not only no longer dependent on tourism, but that based on the strength of the celtic tiger economy, Ireland no longer need accommodate so many tourists.

In a press release from Dublin today, Irish President Mary MacAleese said, “I’m putting my foot down. The office of the president in Ireland is one of the most powerful in the world and it’s time that vast power was used toward some good. I’ll be passing a unilateral ban on foreigners during the summer months, Ramadan and the Chinese New Year.”

Taoiseach Bertie Ahern stood behind the president, quipping from the darkness of MacAleese’s shadow, “Fecking foreigners!”

The Bord Fáilte website had a more direct explanation that stating that Ireland simply cannot allow frivolous spending on the maintenance of historical sites and cultural centres when there are still so many motorways to be built. Inspired by the Taoiseach’s words, Bord Fáilte will now be known as Bord Féck Off.