DJ Clodagh the usurper

Funny things can happen in newspapers – I know well, having worked at one for years. Sometimes a writer’s piece hits production staff and skitters across an editor’s desk and comes out a bit . . . skewed.

The article on yours truly in the Westmeath Independent was excellent – fair play to Adrian. It’s a balanced, interesting article about myself and the blog. There’s even a teaser on the front page, which I’ve scanned and posted on the left there.

I know what you’re thinking as you look at that picture there . . . and I agree with you entirely:

I look so pretty in newsprint.

Turning to the article itself, which is on the first page of the entertainment/sport section, the same pic appears with the article and the caption reads “Athlone DJ Clodagh McCann . . . a seasoned blogger.”

Well, nuts. And here I just thought I was getting better looking.

Well alright, Ms “Seasoned Blogger,” let’s see whatcha got. We’ll just browse on over to your . . . oh, her blog is a mySpace page. Hmm. Ah! Here we are. Well, our DJ Clodagh is certainly much better looking than I am, but we’ve already established that (I wonder if she’d mind if I used her as my profile pic? I mean, she’s already posing as me on the front page of the Independent . . .). Okay, blue mySpace page . . . thumpy music . . . slide show of dark club interiors . . . seizure-enducing strobe-lit videos of sweaty club people . . . first female to DJ in Algeria? Wow, I wonder if this’ll start an underground turntable sales ring catering to the repressed female population there . . . but hang on, I’m off-track here, let’s look at this blog.

Hm. Seems she started in October of 2006, fair enough. What else? Eight whole entries since then. Goodness – a force to be reckoned with indeed. Let’s cast an eye over the first one:

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OCTOBER 2006 – TOP 10

HI! You can read my OCTOBER 2006 TOP 10 on my website music page. just click on the link below…

https://www.djclodagh.com/music.htm

Thanks, Luv Clodagh xx 🙂

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First off, “luv” kisses and smiley faces? I ask you – is this journalism? Secondly, “top 10?” Top ten sushi joints? Top ten chemical equations? Clodagh, we serious journalists must keep in mind our audience: there are children of 5 and 6 and adults over 30 years of age reading this stuff! If we aren’t explicit and direct we could confuse them entirely. Finally, this whole post looks KINDA like a glorified link. I can’t believe this is the blog putting Athlone on the map. I mean, I would never just post some links and call it a blog entry!

Oh no. Oh, here we go. Now I think I have found the crux of our Clodagh’s problems as a blogger. I’ve just noticed that Clodagh here has posted her “moods” above these blogs and revealed a deep flaw in her blogging technique – apparently she is always happy or excited when posting blog entries.

Clodagh, speaking as another “seasoned” blogger, I can unequivocally say that it’s not the best idea to blog when in a good mood. One could completely lose one’s perspective on things. Personally, I usually get myself really worked up and upset before I sit down and start communicating to the universe. You know, wait until you’re quite hung over, exhausted from a day’s work, physically maimed or just broken up with your significant other before sitting down at the keyboard – it adds a certain credence and weight to one’s prose, I find.

Also, after one’s child has thrown up on the outfit they’re heading out the door to a wedding in – I find that state of mind good as well.

Actually, here’s one that’s easy to do and works as well as any of the above – spend a good hour composing a perfect blog entry and MAKE SURE YOU DON’T SAVE IT and then just violently unplug your computer from the wall socket so all your hard work just disappears forever. THEN make yourself start all over again. One experience like that can be just as good as being hungover, exhausted from a day’s work on top of being well-dressed and covered in vomit.

I think if you start composing your blogs in the more appropriate frame of mind I’ve outlined for you here, you’ll find your hits will go WAAAYYY up.

Well, either that or your blog will be the least of your worries.